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Next is the answer to Rejection

Rejection is not all bad. I found in the last few years working with people that rejection is what holds many people back from achieving what they set out to. So, what a couple people said no that really should not stop you. The key to getting rejected is to learn why then move on to the next person. My favorite thing to say to myself when I hear NO is NEXT. I move on and find better opportunities for me. The opportunity that you thought was so perfect for you before you were rejected was all in your head. You never know what a situation is until you are in it. So, when you are told no; remind yourself that it probably was not the best fit for you and that you need to find the right fit. When I am talking about rejection, I am talking about Jobs, Schools, People, any situation where someone else has the power to say no. Remember you always have the power to move on and say NEXT!

I want to say that I understand how much rejection stings and hurts and deflates your ego. I also want to point out that like everything, the more you do it or hear it or feel it, the easier it is, the less it hurts, the less the sting of defeat and the more its motivation to move forward.

Here is an embarrassing but true story about me. I grew up with a learning disability called Dyslexia. I was placed in special classes that at the time did not know what to do with me, so I basically had no real education. I did learn how to maneuver in the world and did well for myself but always had spelling issues come up. No matter how hard I tried there would always be something wrong, and with the English language with so many words that sound the same but spelled differently, it can cause “Issues” for a dyslexic, with that said. I am always taking classes to learn more about the things that interest me. I decided to go to Drexel university and wrote my Entrance essay and sent transcripts and all. I was REJECTED! I did not give up I asked why and what I can do, and they said that to begin with I spelled College with an “a” …“Collage”! Spell check did not pick this up, and I looked foolish, But then I asked if I can go Nonmatriculated (Spelled correctly) and they said yes and I have a 4.0 at this moment. I say at this moment because I am in the middle of a spelling intensive writing class and it’s giving me a run for my money…
Moral of the story you hear no, ask why then change course to either fix it or move on to the next opportunity that will take you forward in the direction of your goals.

 

There was a great Ted Talk I want to point out for a great inspiration. Jia Jiang turned something we are all afraid of “Rejection” into what energizes him.

Jia decided to do 100 rejections and videotape his rejections to learn from them:

  • Ask a stranger to borrow $100. Response No! while watching the video he saw how scared he was and remembered the 6-year-old him.
  • Buerger Refill at a fast food restaurant. Response No! but then learned to add to the requests to let the other person know his interests.
  • Olympic Doughnuts (donuts made in the formation of the Olympic rings) Response Surprisingly yes, the person was interested and made it, the video went Viral. This put him on the map, and he was getting support from all over the country for this idea.
  • Can I plant this flower in your back yard? Response No! but then Jia asked why not, and the person said they have a dog that would dig it up, and it would be a waste of your flowers, but Janet across the street loves flowers you should ask her. So now by asking shy he is getting a referral and the reasoning for the rejection and he was not the one who was rejected it was the waste of a flower.
  • Starbucks greeter: Response No! But then he said why because it’s a “weird” request, and the manager said yes, but then realized that because he was realistic about the request and knew it was odd that he could do it for an hour and just to not be too weird. He learned that acknowledging that a request could be odd, he helped the other person realize he was coming from an honest place.
  • Day 6: Can I teach your class, he literally knocked on professors doors asking is he could teach their class, and they said no until he came to one who said that no one has ever asked that before. Jia showed his powerpoints, and handouts and the teacher added him to the next curriculum and him taught a class the next semester.

Jia learned that by asking for things that you want, you have a better chance of getting what you want versus never asking at all. The thing that held him back was the fear of the rejection in the first place. This sounds very simple but thinks about how much rejection hurts and why we stay away from it.

https://www.ted.com/talks/jia_jiang_what_i_learned_from_100_days_of_rejection

Strenghts b4 Weakness

Figure out what you’re good at and become better.

Working on all your skills needed to perform better or get you to the place you want to go is important. But when you take a personal inventory of your skills and abilities that got you to where you are at the moment is the first step in a realistic action plan.

To know your skill sets will let you know what you should do with your next steps. Don’t think so much about what you “can’t” do that just add way too much negative thought process. Gather a list of your skills talk to your work associates, your manager, see what they see in you. Take some tests. These Strength tests are not Pass and Fail style from grade school they are l about reactions to situations and scenarios and how you feel about things. DO NOT answer the questions to these test like your trying to impress a stranger! The more honest you the answers, the more accurate your results.

There are many significant tests out there, Myers-Briggs, Strenght Finder by Gallop, I use Foursight with teams I am working.

When you update a resume, you are supposed to highlight your strongest skill set to enable you to fit the best position for you. The same goes for life and goals. Yes, we all want to be great at something we are not, and we must be realistic at times that we are only 5’8” and not going to be a Professional basketball player.

Notice how you use your skills on the job, in your personal life, as a way to solve problems or to help others.  You need to know your skills/talents to know how to achieve your goals.

Mindsets by Carol Dweck

Mindsets by Carol Dweck –Changed my life the book I ever read (listened to)

How many people feel that some people are born with a talent and that talent makes them different?
How many people feel that passion and effort can be someone’s success stories?

Stanford University psychologist Carol Dweck in decades of research on achievement and success discovered a simple idea that makes all the difference. Your “Mindset”

There are 2 minds sets out there a Fixed or Talent mindset and a Growth mindset, We are going to learn to identify both of them so you can utilize them.

In a fixed mindset, people believe their basic qualities, like their intelligence or talent, are simply fixed traits. They spend their time documenting their intelligence or talent instead of developing them. They also believe that talent alone creates success—without effort. They’re wrong.

In a growth mindset, people believe that their most basic abilities can be developed through dedication and hard work—brains and talent are just the starting point. This view creates a love of learning and a resilience that is essential for great accomplishment. Virtually all great people have had these qualities.

Here are some simple steps to get the idea and to start to make your mindset work for you.

Step1. Learn to hear your fixed mindset “voice.”
As you approach a challenge, that voice might say to you
“Are you sure you can do it? Maybe you don’t have the talent.”
“What if you fail—you’ll be a failure”
“People will laugh at you for thinking you had talent.”
“If you don’t try, you can protect yourself and keep your dignity.”

As you hit a setback, the voice might say,
“This would have been a snap if you really had talent.”
“You see, I told you it was a risk. Now you’ve gone and shown the world how limited you are.”
“It’s not too late to back out, make excuses, and try to regain your dignity.”

As you face criticism, you might hear yourself say,
“It’s not my fault. It was something or someone else’s fault.”
You might feel yourself getting angry at the person who is giving you feedback.
“Who do they think they are? I’ll put them in their place.”
The other person might be giving you specific, constructive feedback, but you might be hearing them say “I’m really disappointed in you. I thought you were capable but now I see you’re not.”

 Step 2. Recognize that you have a choice.
How you interpret challenges, setbacks, and criticism is your choice. You can interpret them in a fixed mindset as signs that your fixed talents or abilities are lacking. Or you can interpret them in a growth mindset as signs that you need to ramp up your strategies and effort, stretch yourself, and expand your abilities. It’s up to you.

So as you face challenges, setbacks, and criticism, listen to the fixed mindset voice and… talk back to it with a growth mindset voice.

As you approach a challenge:
THE FIXED-MINDSET says “Are you sure you can do it? Maybe you don’t have the talent.”
THE GROWTH-MINDSET answers, “I’m not sure I can do it now, but I think I can learn to with time and effort.”
FIXED MINDSET: “What if you fail—you’ll be a failure”
GROWTH MINDSET: “Most successful people had failures along the way.”
FIXED MINDSET: “If you don’t try, you can protect yourself and keep your dignity.”
GROWTH MINDSET: “If I don’t try, I automatically fail. Where’s the dignity in that?”

As you hit a setback:
FIXED MINDSET: “This would have been a snap if you really had talent.”
GROWTH MINDSET: “That is so wrong. Basketball wasn’t easy for Michael Jordan and science wasn’t easy for Thomas Edison. They had a passion and put in tons of effort.

As you face criticism:
FIXED MINDSET: “It’s not my fault. It was something or someone else’s fault.”
GROWTH MINDSET: “If I don’t take responsibility, I can’t fix it. Let me listen—however painful it is– and learn whatever I can.”

Step 3) Then…Take the growth mindset action.

Over time, which voice you head becomes pretty much your choice.
Whether you take on the challenge wholeheartedly, learn from your setbacks and try again,
Hearing the criticism and act on it is now in your hands.  Practice hearing both voices and practice acting on the growth mindset. See how you can make it work for you.

You can use a growth mindset in all aspects of your life.  So If you are ready to grow, get the book Mindsets by Carol Dweck.