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Next is the answer to Rejection

Rejection is not all bad. I found in the last few years working with people that rejection is what holds many people back from achieving what they set out to. So, what a couple people said no that really should not stop you. The key to getting rejected is to learn why then move on to the next person. My favorite thing to say to myself when I hear NO is NEXT. I move on and find better opportunities for me. The opportunity that you thought was so perfect for you before you were rejected was all in your head. You never know what a situation is until you are in it. So, when you are told no; remind yourself that it probably was not the best fit for you and that you need to find the right fit. When I am talking about rejection, I am talking about Jobs, Schools, People, any situation where someone else has the power to say no. Remember you always have the power to move on and say NEXT!

I want to say that I understand how much rejection stings and hurts and deflates your ego. I also want to point out that like everything, the more you do it or hear it or feel it, the easier it is, the less it hurts, the less the sting of defeat and the more its motivation to move forward.

Here is an embarrassing but true story about me. I grew up with a learning disability called Dyslexia. I was placed in special classes that at the time did not know what to do with me, so I basically had no real education. I did learn how to maneuver in the world and did well for myself but always had spelling issues come up. No matter how hard I tried there would always be something wrong, and with the English language with so many words that sound the same but spelled differently, it can cause “Issues” for a dyslexic, with that said. I am always taking classes to learn more about the things that interest me. I decided to go to Drexel university and wrote my Entrance essay and sent transcripts and all. I was REJECTED! I did not give up I asked why and what I can do, and they said that to begin with I spelled College with an “a” …“Collage”! Spell check did not pick this up, and I looked foolish, But then I asked if I can go Nonmatriculated (Spelled correctly) and they said yes and I have a 4.0 at this moment. I say at this moment because I am in the middle of a spelling intensive writing class and it’s giving me a run for my money…
Moral of the story you hear no, ask why then change course to either fix it or move on to the next opportunity that will take you forward in the direction of your goals.

 

There was a great Ted Talk I want to point out for a great inspiration. Jia Jiang turned something we are all afraid of “Rejection” into what energizes him.

Jia decided to do 100 rejections and videotape his rejections to learn from them:

  • Ask a stranger to borrow $100. Response No! while watching the video he saw how scared he was and remembered the 6-year-old him.
  • Buerger Refill at a fast food restaurant. Response No! but then learned to add to the requests to let the other person know his interests.
  • Olympic Doughnuts (donuts made in the formation of the Olympic rings) Response Surprisingly yes, the person was interested and made it, the video went Viral. This put him on the map, and he was getting support from all over the country for this idea.
  • Can I plant this flower in your back yard? Response No! but then Jia asked why not, and the person said they have a dog that would dig it up, and it would be a waste of your flowers, but Janet across the street loves flowers you should ask her. So now by asking shy he is getting a referral and the reasoning for the rejection and he was not the one who was rejected it was the waste of a flower.
  • Starbucks greeter: Response No! But then he said why because it’s a “weird” request, and the manager said yes, but then realized that because he was realistic about the request and knew it was odd that he could do it for an hour and just to not be too weird. He learned that acknowledging that a request could be odd, he helped the other person realize he was coming from an honest place.
  • Day 6: Can I teach your class, he literally knocked on professors doors asking is he could teach their class, and they said no until he came to one who said that no one has ever asked that before. Jia showed his powerpoints, and handouts and the teacher added him to the next curriculum and him taught a class the next semester.

Jia learned that by asking for things that you want, you have a better chance of getting what you want versus never asking at all. The thing that held him back was the fear of the rejection in the first place. This sounds very simple but thinks about how much rejection hurts and why we stay away from it.

https://www.ted.com/talks/jia_jiang_what_i_learned_from_100_days_of_rejection

Strenghts b4 Weakness

Figure out what you’re good at and become better.

Working on all your skills needed to perform better or get you to the place you want to go is important. But when you take a personal inventory of your skills and abilities that got you to where you are at the moment is the first step in a realistic action plan.

To know your skill sets will let you know what you should do with your next steps. Don’t think so much about what you “can’t” do that just add way too much negative thought process. Gather a list of your skills talk to your work associates, your manager, see what they see in you. Take some tests. These Strength tests are not Pass and Fail style from grade school they are l about reactions to situations and scenarios and how you feel about things. DO NOT answer the questions to these test like your trying to impress a stranger! The more honest you the answers, the more accurate your results.

There are many significant tests out there, Myers-Briggs, Strenght Finder by Gallop, I use Foursight with teams I am working.

When you update a resume, you are supposed to highlight your strongest skill set to enable you to fit the best position for you. The same goes for life and goals. Yes, we all want to be great at something we are not, and we must be realistic at times that we are only 5’8” and not going to be a Professional basketball player.

Notice how you use your skills on the job, in your personal life, as a way to solve problems or to help others.  You need to know your skills/talents to know how to achieve your goals.

The Pyramid for setting and achieving goals.


If you can invest just 137 minutes a day, you have the ability to change your path in life.

Based off all those books in the “Self-help” section of the bookstore, here is the all you need to know about setting and achieving goals without all the nonsense.
Socrates is famous for saying “Know Thyself, ” and that is the most important part of goals. You need to know who you are to know what you need. So, let’s start off with figuring out what your goals are first. Once you set your goals, you need to figure out what healthy habits you can implement into your day that will help you achieve these goals. Don’t go nuts you want to ease into this make three healthy habits you can live with and get used to. You will get to the point where these habits become just that a habit a no brainer and you can then add new habits.
(Note: Most habits form with 30 days on average) Supplemental Video: 3 Questions

Let’s look at the Pyramid from the top down.
So, we set our goals and habits, and we made a note of these (best to use your phone’s notepad or even the screen of your phone) It’s fun to make a Meme out of them or even find a meme on the internet that best fits your goal or habit.

2 x 1 minute; Set an alarm (On vibrate) at 11:11 AM and PM to remind me to look at my list or be present in the moment and compare this moment to what it can be once I achieve my goals. This 11:11 will also become a fun habit, and you won’t need to set the alarm. That’s it!

The flowchart above shows 11:11 as a base example of how you can teach yourself to form habits. This teaches you how easy habit forming can be as well as the positive reinforcement of proving you can form a habit when you start looking at the phone at 11:11 unprompted.  Once you get the habit of looking at your phone twice a day you can then use this habit to your advantage in building your next healthy habits.

Once you are habitually looking at your phone’s lock screen at 11:11 you can introduce reminders or positive reinforcements of new goals or habits that you’re working on. This will act as a mental check in on what goals or habits your working on.

3 X 5minutes; Plan, Check-in, and Review, When you wake up plan your day. If you don’t have a map, you don’t know where you’re going. It’s always good to have an action plan and when you wake up is the best time to say to yourself “What will I do today to reach my goals?”  A mid-day check in to see how you’re going with your plan and to adjust accordingly, and finally and before bed congratulate you on what you did that day. DO NOT end your day with negative thoughts. It’s like giving yourself a good bedtime story to ease you into a full night’s sleep, and sleep is very important. So, let’s not toss and turn with negative thoughts all night.

30 minutes x 2 you need to take care of your Body and your Mind, lucky for you there is a correlation between 30 minutes of cardiovascular exercise and both learning and outlook. Per the book “Spark” when you perform cardiovascular exercise shortly before a difficult mental task your mind is primed for learning and problem-solving. Cardio can work for you if you want to be at your best for a meeting or during the most difficult part of your work day. A brisk walk can even help. 30 minutes is the magic number for cardio to release the endorphin’s and the BDNF which is touted as “Miracle Grow for the brain.”
Becoming and staying positive is a big part of a healthy long life. Optimistic people have been shown to live longer and healthier lives than people with negative outlooks. Part of this is that an optimistic person tends to be more outgoing and social which promotes a larger social circle and keeps them engaged with society. You can find some uplifting memes, podcasts, music and even a funny friend can do it for you. And if you are clever and want to cut your 137 minutes to 107 minutes of self-improvement time you can multitask. Consider listening to a podcast or watching inspirational videos while getting your cardio in.

1 An hour a day; of learning, something new. Leaders are Learners a great way to look at becoming a lifelong learner. You don’t have to read for an hour you can work on a puzzle or learn something at work that will help you achieve your goals. You just need to use your time in a way to get you closer to your goal. Part of your goal are healthy habits so think about your habits as part of the learning process. If you are trying to lose weight, for example, use the hour of learning to find better ways to eat or exercise. Learn things that will make you a better person.
You CAN NOT use this time during your cardio workout. Your brain is not able to learn as well during the actual workout because the blood supply if being used to feed your muscles and lungs. The BDNF is only after the workout. So, create a reading list or find some videos that you can learn from or manuals for your companies accreditation’s. Take an online class.

I hope this information helps you on your journey to the best you that you can be.

 

Notes from Gen Martin Dempsey talk

Leadership is More Than Giving Orders
Leadership is more than simply ordering people to do something… You see all the memes about the difference between a manager telling orders but a leader leading by example, there is truth to that concept.

Leaders, he said, must get used to the fact that they are going to be asked to do more than one thing at a time. Leaders have to prioritize and junior leaders cannot rely on senior leaders to always set the agenda. “What is a priority today may not be tomorrow, and you have to be prepared for that,” Dempsey said.

Those who follow you actually want you to lead

Realize it’s a privilege to lead, A leader must have a genuine sense of belonging

Make white space on your calendar to get some reading or to check in with the guy in the 4th cube on the right

The more senior you get the more respect you have for your peers

Then you get to the top and you get younger people and bounce ideas and learn

Pick juniors who know how to criticize

Leaders Present Solutions To Problems

He told the students to not simply pass a problem up the chain to the boss, but to pass it with a recommendation. This is just another way to say that leaders have to agile in their thinking and actions.

The chairman discussed risk. “Making decisions as a leader involves risk, and that risk is either manageable or not depending on how you deal with it,” he said. “It’s not a leader’s job to prevent risk, rather it is the leader’s job to enable subordinates to take risks.”

Every action has risk and there is no way to drive risk to zero, he said. Risk should not paralyze action.

Candor is a trait all must have. “If there’s more truth in the hallway than in the meeting room, you’ve got problems,” Dempsey said.

He urged them to speak truth to power, and for leaders to not be afraid of disagreements.

Dempsey stated that competence and character are needed in equal measure. Leaders can’t have one without the other. “Competence will get you to the table, but character is what keeps you at the table,” he said.

Humility Matters

With a warrior’s heart and immigrant spirit and a servant’s soul

 

The chairman also discussed humility. He quoted an old saying that “you can get a lot done in Washington if you don’t care who gets credit.” He called it a truism of life in government. “Humility is not thinking less of yourself, it’s thinking less about yourself,” he said. “You should be optimistic, you should be ambitious, you should be self-confident.”

  • Be approachable. “The best of our leaders are extremely approachable,” he said. Put people at ease and listen to what they have to say.
  • Bever stop learning. Abraham Lincoln wrote long before he became president “I will study and prepare, and perhaps my day will come.”

“Commit to be a life-long learner, and if history calls on you, you will be prepared,”

Dempsey ended with a quote from William Butler Yeats: “Talent perceives differences. Genius perceives unity.”

He said that right now the people of the United States perceive the differences among us all too easily. “You can’t miss the differences that separate us,” he said. “Genius perceives unity. Genius is what allows us to come together. That’s what this country does. That’s what sets us apart.”

“That’s the genius of the American Dream,” he said. “You need to see genius, meaning you need to find unity. And if you do that, this country will be fine.”

Older Wiser and should not be forgotten

I had a gig today where I played an older person and it made me think of my father… here is something I had on my mind. I had a mentor that one day said he was trying to be relevant and it never hit him just how relevant he was. Wisdom needs to be appreciated especially by those who have it and don’t even realize it.

Why People come into our life.

People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime.

When you figure out which one it is, you will know what to do for each person…

“When someone is in your life for a REASON, it is usually to meet a need you have expressed.
They have come to assist you through a difficulty; to provide you with guidance and support; to aid you physically, emotionally or spiritually.
They may seem like a godsend, and they are.They are there for the reason you need them to be.
Then, without any wrongdoing on your part or at an inconvenient time, this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end. Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away.Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand.What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled; their work is done.The prayer you sent up has been answered and now it is time to move on.”Some people come into your life for a SEASON, because your turn has come to share, grow or learn.They bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh.They may teach you something you have never done.They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy.Believe it. It is real. But only for a season.”LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons; things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation.Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person, and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life. It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant.”— Unknown